When to Care About What People Think About You

Okay God I am having a moment.  Normally I don’t care about what other people think about me but when You hit me upside the head and tell me to pay attention I do.  It is just really difficult when I figure out that people that I thought loved me and cared about me simply paste on a smile and pretend to enjoy my company.  So help me figure this out, let’s reflect:

Is it because I don’t fit in socially with their thought process or agree with their values or beliefs?

Is it because I am bald or because I have hair on my chest?

Is it because I am short and stocky or maybe just a little over weight?

Is it because I have blue eyes?  Big feet?

See I don’t understand why people who I want to have a relationship with have such a hard time hanging out with me.  I mean, is my dad right when he says I am too uptight and I need to relax more?

Is it because I don’t like to drink?

Oh hey, maybe its because I don’t like doing yard work or that I don’t like to do work around the house to make it more shiny then the other homes in my neighborhood.

Is it because I smoke?

Oh I know, its because I am still driving a minivan at the age of 39 and that is just un-cool.

Wait, is it because I develop computer software for a living and/or that I play computer games with my kids?

See I don’t understand why I feel so alone when I don’t want to play the social game of pretending to be someone or something that I am not.  I have values and beliefs that other people find disturbing.  But to be honest I am a very funny and an outgoing person.  Sure I can be a little over the top with my jokes and humor but that’s just who I am.  Up until my mother took her life, my humor is what made my mother happy.  She would look forward to the phone calls from me I made her laugh with my insanity, I gave her a way to dump her frustrations and concerns as I would listen and them make her laugh at what made her upset.  I know You know this, but I was her sunshine, I brought her laughter and warmth in her cold and lonely days of depression that she went through.  I miss her.

I digress.

See God, I feel that this is who You made me to be.  Happy, outgoing, excitable, humorous, loving, intelligent, hardworking, self motivated and honest.  So why don’t people like to be around me?

I know I have room to improve as a husband and father, but don’t we all?  I mean nobody is perfect when it comes to raising children or making your soul-mate happy,  but I really try to pay attention when You throw lessons my way.  I work to support my family not because I want to.  I try to encourage and motivate my children and wife with logic and beliefs that I try to derive from Your teachings.  Although maybe I don’t spend enough time with You and maybe I only look to You when things are going bad, I always try to push myself to do the honorable thing and ask myself the question, “What would the Son of God do in this situation?”.

So why is it that I have a hard time making friends?  Am I being too picky?  Am I picking the right people to befriend?  Am I looking in the wrong places for people to associate with?  God, I have no one to talk too besides You and my wife, but she can only take so much of me at times.  God I know You have a plan for me and I believe that You also have plans for my family, it can just get so lonely at times when I try not to care what other people think.  I am so tempted at times to try to just “fit in”.

Sometimes I think I am over analyzing what happens in my life and what happens around me.  Am I looking too hard for Your lessons?  Please let me know.

In closing, God, please bless everyone that I come in contact with every day and watch over them in their trials and tribulations in these hard times of the world.  Please listen for their cries when they also feel lonely and need someone to talk to.

Thanks for listening.

Amen!